TREATMENT: AUTUMN
As the leaves die off and fall from the trees, so do we watch our siblings go through a season of loss during cancer treatment. Now that the initial shock has worn off, the support both you and your sibling need is getting real: rides to chemo, hair loss care, making meals. I hope one or two of the resources linked below is helpful to you. If you’re looking for written reflections on this topic, you can find that here.
While your sibling has perhaps been physically forced into accepting help from others to get their daily needs met, the same is not true of you. Your physical health makes it all too easy to take on the task of supporting your sibling without removing any other responsibilities from your life. This is a recipe for burnout and anxiety, and in the long run actually reduces your capacity to help. Here are some suggestions on how to create room in your life to prioritize your sibling right now:
Don’t try to do it all.
Let everyone know
If you work, go to school, or have any volunteer responsibilities, let the person in charge know your situation. A blanket email asking for flexibility at the very beginning will come in handy when your sibling has a last minute need or medical emergency. If you’re not sure how to phrase it, click below to receive a template you can customize to your situation.
Quit something
Is there anything you can let go, maybe even just for this season? Is there any way you can cut back on work hours, quit that board, or put your volunteering on pause? You may feel like you’re letting people down, but if you burn yourself out trying to maintain your pre=cancer schedule, that’s when you’ll truly disappoint everyone. If you struggle with how to write a quitting email, click below to receive a template you can customize.
Look at your budget
Sometimes time is money. While this isn’t available to everyone, some have the flexibility to spend a little extra on time-saving measures during difficult seasons. If there is any wiggle room in your budget, consider grocery delivery, a meal kit service, or home cleaning. This can be for yourself, your sibling, or both of you.
You may want to help coordinate your sibling’s physical and emotional needs during this time. That is admirable, but don’t bend over backwards inventing your own meal spreadsheet or spend hours on Google researching the best place for your sibling to get a wig. There are already free services ready to help meet these needs:
Don’t reinvent the wheel.
Meal Train
This free website takes away the scheduling headache of coordinating meals. You can simply enter the dates meals are needed, put any likes/dislikes or allergies, and share on social media or via email. People can sign up for a date and write what they’re bringing, so that your sibling doesn’t get sixteen chicken pot pies. Unless, you know, that’s what they want.
Wig Directory
CancerCare.org has been helping connect cancer patients and their families to resources at no cost for over 75 years. The above link brings you specifically to their wig resource page, where you can find a variety of programs providing low or no-cost wigs, turbans, and scarves for cancer patients. Explore the rest of the site for more helpful resources during this difficult time.
Gilda’s Club
While the support of family and friends during this time is crucial, you and your sibling may not get all your emotional needs met by people you already know. Having a support group of people who understand what you’re going through can make all the difference. Gilda’s Club was founded in 1995 in memory of SNL comedian Gilda Radner, and has over 170 locations nationwide to facilitate cancer support.